


The Book Review

by thewightknight



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Romantic Fluff, Swords and Shields
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 06:54:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3347684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewightknight/pseuds/thewightknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first review is out for the latest installment of Swords and Shields, and Varric doesn't want to hear it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Book Review

**Author's Note:**

> A little ficlet inspired by the possibility of a Varric/Inquisitor romance

It wasn’t completely unheard of for Leliana to stop by the Herald’s Rest, but it was unusual enough that when she entered it caused a lull in the conversation. She scanned the crowd, and headed over towards the group of companions clustered in the corner. 

“Varric, I’ve got something you might be interested in.” She held out a sheet of parchment.

“Please tell me that’s not another letter from the Merchants’ Guild,” Varric groaned. “I’ve already sent the monthly reports.”

“No, actually it’s a review of the latest _Swords and Shields_.”

Varric groaned again, and slid down in his seat. “I don’t want to hear it. I know it’s bad. It’s always bad. Why did I start writing more of those things, anyways?” 

Cassandra was suddenly looking anywhere but at Varric.

Leliana grinned, held out her hand, the paper twitching. “How bad can it be? You should read it.”

Varric covered his hands with his ears. “Go away.”

Dorian snatched the paper as he came up from behind Leliana. “Well, let’s find out, shall we.” Striking a dramatic pose, he began to read. “I was shocked to find out that the renowned author Varric Tethras had again taken up his pen to continue with his romance serial, Swords and Shields. Previous publications had proven that this worthy should stick to thrillers and crime serials, as the best that could be said of his prior attempts in romance genre were that they were not completely, absolutely horrible.” 

Varric’s head was now almost level with the table top. Dorian paused, looking uncomfortable, but Leliana made encouraging noises, and with an apologetic shrug, he continued reading.

“So when I was asked to fulfill my contractual obligations and review this latest installment (or else), I made sure I was well stocked with potent brews and a bucket, and locked myself in to a padded room from which all sharp objects had been removed.”

Varric’s hand groped across the tabletop, searching for his tankard. Bull topped it off and pushed it within reach. He grasped it and it disappeared, along with the rest of him, completely under the table. Dorian was now looking extremely uncomfortable, and let his arm drop. Leliana took the paper out of his hand and picked up where he had left off.

“Much to my surprise, I found myself several hours later completely sober, sobbing onto the back cover. Sobbing not with horror, as I expected, but with joy.” 

Dorian’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, and there was a thump from under the table, followed by a curse. 

“There have been no reports of any new romantic interest in Serah Tethras’ life, but I must wonder at the possibility of some secret love, for how else could this worthy suddenly have developed the inspiration to produce such a triumph of heartfelt passion and enchantment. You must read the first installments to make sense of this latest release, dearest readers, but the task will be well worth the effort. I’ve found myself questioning my sanity multiple times as I finish this review, in which I find myself putting the following words to paper, and yet it must be said: I hope with all my heart and soul that this series will continue. And now, I will now go to cry into my cups at the lack of such romance and beauty in my life. Serah Tethras, I salute you.”

Leliana finished with a flourish, bowing, and they all waited for a response. 

Bull knocked on the tabletop. “Varric?” There was still no response, so they all leaned or crouched, looking under the table. Varric’s whole body was shaking, with what turned out to be laughter as the first chuckles burst forth.

Several hours later when the Inquisitor entered the tavern, she found all of them lying on their backs on the floor under the table, joyously drunk and still laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to imagine it was your Inquisitor that inspired Varric! 
> 
> (Inspired by officialvarrictethras's art on tumblr.)
> 
> Feel free to come say hi over on [tumblr](http://thewightknight.tumblr.com/).


End file.
